Hey Lou, me again,

Hey Lou, me again, I know this may seem strange but I still text you. I can’t bring myself to delete your number as for some reason I feel that would be severing a deep tie to you. I wish you had a personalised voice mail message Lou, then I could hear your voice. I worry I am forgetting the sound of your voice. But sometimes I do leave you voice mail just as it feels less stupid than talking out loud to you. I’m missing you a lot today cos I’m feeling down and I grew so comfortable talking to you to help lift the depression. But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you all the time. Obvs. However I know that you want me to keep on keeping on, as per, some days even when you thought you weren’t helping hearing you say “I know it feels permanent but I’m here telling you that this feeling won’t last”. You hadn’t said that in a while, I guess you didn’t feel you could as you planned your own escape. I wish more than anything that you could see Ellie, she is so like you, the way she smiles or raises her eyebrows and her stubborn no nonsense way of tackling a problem. I bet your so proud and I tell Ellie so whenever I see her. Hope your having a ball up there Lou- you deserve it! So will I keep on texting you my silly antics, yard gossip and my worries… Hell yes. I don’t want to move on Lou, don’t want to delete that number that has brought me back so many times, so I won’t. I’m not saying I will wallow and mourn because I’ve done that. Also what would that achieve ey? I have far too many goals to achieve to simply sit and be sad! But I won’t delete your number or put your funeral program in a draw- because I can’t live a life without you. Fact. And I don’t want too. So Lou looks like your stuck with my daft ramblings for the foreseeable future… ENJOY BEAUTIFUL AND BE HAPPY ❤

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