Okay so my alevels (yes they are resits) are now done, finished, over. For most people this is a huge relief but not me oh no I have nose dived into some serious anxiety and depression. The exams are gone and I can’t change them and I am convinced that I have failed them for the second time round (by fail I mean not come out with 3 A’s) . And on top of that I won’t even find out until the 13th of August!!! Common guys that’s just not cool. So I’m having to come up with some damn good coping strategies and I’m having to come up with them fast!
First things first I need to get self harming back under control as cutting does not count as a legit method of coping! So I hid all of my erm implements in the garage so that in the middle of the night when I go to cut I have to go down the stairs into the kitchen where I will find the dog who will no doubt demand my attention thus preventing cutting from being a reflex. The longer I can go from feeling the need to committing the act the more likely it is that I will THINK about what I’m doing and hopefully stop! I have also got a whole load of fresh lemon cut up into segments, sucking those bad boys is a pretty good substitute for cutting, a strong unpleasant feeling (especially if like me you have sensitive teeth!) but no lasting marks.
Next step is to try to face all the anxious thoughts that keep me from sleeping and wind me up to the point where I feel the need to self harm. Easier said than done right! I try to face these thoughts of failure and trauma shizzle one at a time using logic, writting these things down can help as does a bit of controlled breathing! Another thing I have done is to decide that I won’t get the grades and go off to vet school so I can concentrate on working out a kick ass back up plan. Planning always calms me down and I love to have at least a plan A, B and C just call it my OCD side coming out to play 😉 so after planning and breathing and being logical I find my head a much happier place! If all else fails I just go over and over karate katas haha
And finally making sure I have a good and most importantly active day so that I am tired and ready for bed later on. Doing things I like with people (let’s be honest animals) that I like! And if this part goes well it stops the downward spiral from becoming all consuming!
This plan may not be foolproof and I am often a fool BUT I have to do something to attempt to improve my current mood! I’ll let you know how it goes chicas…
Georgie over and out 😘